When something new happens, it must instantly begin to grapple with
what used to be. The new only very gradually replaces the old, and
with a lot of struggling. So it is with being a psychotherapist,
liberally confused with a number of social roles, including parent,
friend, lover and doctor-all of which contribute pieces to a
psychotherapist’s identity, but cannot by themselves, represent it. As
with all new things, we must discover what and who it is.
All psychotherapists are, at least to some extent confused about who
they are, whether they admit it to themselves or not. Most are
impatient on the uneven course of discovery, and jump the gun into one
of the various roles that a psychotherapist imitates. They become
friends with their patient, or argue about what’s right or wrong about
the patient-sometimes with shouting-as one might do with their real
adolescent child. Occasionally they have a sexual affair with their
patient.
Some therapists act like doctors, meaning they keep an enormous
emotional distance, never answer questions about themselves and regard
diagnosis as a definition of whom they’re working with. When
diagnosis, to a very good psychotherapist, is simply a map of hints to
where painful dysfunction hides, and provides clues to what
interventions might expose and heal it.
So what’s different about a psychotherapist from these traditional
human roles? Perhaps the most remarkable aspect of being a successful
psychotherapist-measured not by how much money they make, but how much
their patients change-is the level of moral standard to which they
must aspire; nothing less than squeaky-clean works. They achieve a
level of intimacy that rivals both parenting and romance yet never
touch their patient unless the therapy demands it-for instance, with
patients who have been severely deprived of touch and affection. Their
hugs are entirely comforting, and have nothing whatsoever to do with
sex-and can easily, respectfully and gently reject a seductive
patient, reminding their patient how much more valuable, and rare, a
learning relationship is than a sexual one.
Jennifer Graf : With an
experience of 10 years, Jennifer Graf is a dedicated marriage
counselor committed to stimulate positive thought patterns for a
better and successful life. To learn more, visit www.jennifergraf.net.
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